


You Know

by aptasi



Category: Wheel of Time - Robert Jordan
Genre: Conversations, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Support, Trauma, common trauma, trauma reaction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:42:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28684248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aptasi/pseuds/aptasi
Summary: Rand and Moiraine have a cup of tea, in the middle of the night.
Relationships: Moiraine Damodred & Rand al'Thor, Moiraine Damodred/Thom Merrilin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 16





	You Know

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Claustrophobia](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28529943) by [OctolingO](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OctolingO/pseuds/OctolingO). 



> So I was reading Claustrophobia by OctolingO, and got to thinking about how in my personal experience living with PTSD, folks with similar severe traumas often have a sort of shorthand understanding between them. And so this is my fic reflecting on that. (P.S. I am very well taken care of and it's been a long time, no need to be worried about me :) )
> 
> Therefore:Rating is for severe PTSD. Mind the tags. Know yourself. Read responsibly. 
> 
> This is set sometime between the treaty meeting and the last battle.

"Dragon Reborn..." Moiraine intoned stepping into the tend and smoothly curtsying so far forward her forehead brushed her slipper. "You wanted to see me."

Thom stood a little to the side of her looking suspiciously at their maiden escort out of the corner of his eye. The Gleeman had turned into almost a caricature of a Warder recently. He didn't bend so much as a hair either. 

"Rand." The Dragon said. "It's the middle of the night. We don't have an audience. No need for that."

Moiraine stood, as gracefully as she had lowered herself. "Rand. What can I do for you."

"It was an invitation, not an order." He knew this smile made him look young, but he could afford to give it. "Would you like to have tea with me?"

Moiraine blinked. "So late?" There was no time further into the night than this or earlier in the morning.

Thom made a gesture that Rand recognized as checking his knives. Then the maidens slouched in that way that reminded the watchers they had spears. 

Moiraine looked at Thom, causing the Gleeman to huff into his mustache and gesture his empty hands. 

Rand knew he was something like a monarch now, he had worked and worked at making people realize he had agency and could not be pushed. Yet something about realizing Moiraine had seen his request as a summons felt uncomfortable. "I thought you might have trouble sleeping too. Be already awake, you know."

Moiraine gave him an appraising look. "Wait outside, Gaidin." She ordered gently. 

"Maidens with him, please." Rand muttered.

Both Thom and the Far Dareis Mai gave Rand distinctly unhappy looks.

"She saved my life." Rand pointed out. "You would be halfway to inducting her if she weren't an Aes Sedai… and had different parents… and weren't married."

Thom and at least one of the Maidens humphed in unison. Then they glared at each other. 

Rand tried not to laugh.

Thom gave Moiraine another concerned glance but then kissed her cheek. "Call me if you need me."

"I will."

He stepped outside and the others followed him. 

"Shall I make us silent?" Moiraine asked. 

Rand smiled. "Sure."

Moiraine touched the angreal on her arm with fingers on the other hand. "Done."

"This is almost nostalgic, Moiraine."

She paused in a manner that was just slightly unsteady. "So it is."

"You haven't started taking honey?" Rand held out a travel cup. 

"No. You have the right of it.". 

Neither commented further. They both channeled their drinks hot and drank without sound.

Finally Rand spoke. "Immobilized, trapped, constantly reliving the worst of yourself, wondering if anyone even likes you enough to come for you…"

Moiraine's eyebrow moved "What of it?"

"Much worse than death. You know."

The Aes Sedai shivered "Yes."

Rand put hand on her shoulder. "You're doing well, all considered?"

"You are too."

"It was a question, Moiraine."

She took a sip of the tea, turning her profile to him.

Rand stepped back. "You don't have to answer that neverm-"

"All considering, I think I'm excelling." Moiraine said, clipping the syllables off tight. 

"Oh. Good, that's good."

"And you?"

"I think I'm doing better than expected."

Moiraine nodded. "I know you are doing well, or succeeding at least."

Another silence. 

"It really is pathetic isn't it." Rand finally said. "How bad we feel and can still say honestly we think it's better than could be hoped for?"

"That is the nature of this fight."

Rand paced a circle on the floor. "I have nightmares. I want them to stop. I want my memories not to hurt all the time."

"As do I." Moiraine said quietly. 

They both took another drink, standing a couple span apart. 

"I'm sorry, Moiraine."

"I knew from the permutations you could not have prevented..."

"For humiliating you, making you beg, all that. I made your last days before the docks" he hesitated "unpleasant."

Moiraine shrugged. "Well perhaps I could have spared myself that. They made me relive everything so many times that I could see my... manner... with you left much to be desired. With everyone, really."

Rand hesitated and then said. "When it happened to me. I didn't think anyone was coming. Not really."

Moiraine's eyes glinted. "I thought Thom would come. Too early, with too many helpers, or without Mat. Or just as I instructed. And die. I hated myself for writing that letter to him, telling him where I was. For many things."

"Me too."

Breath was the loudest thing. 

"Rand?"

"As you heard, I promised Thom that I would call him if I need him. The first oath still binds my promises, and…"

"Do you need him now?" It was one thing to deal with the vague comforting sensation that Moiraine understood what he was talking about, and quite another to actually see vulnerability from her, like she had intuited the same from him. 

Moiraine nodded. "I believe I do."

"Go ahead."

"Gaidin!"

Thom stepped in immediately. He must have been right up on the flap. 

"He has not harmed me..." Moiraine said. "I just..."

"In front of Rand?"

"Please."

Thom carefully took the cup out of Moiraine's hand and then crushed her in embrace. "I'm here." he whispered smoothing her hair. "We got out."

Moiraine looked at Rand a little sheepishly. "It's amazing is it not, how bad we feel and can still want love?"

Rand smiled. "You take good care of her, Thom. And if she survives the last battle you make sure she carries out the task I'm giving her."

Moiraine straightened up, still holding Thom but alert and listening. "What task is that?"

"Do something for yourself. Not for the world or Daes Dae'mar."

Moiraine chuckled. "Is that all? It would be simpler to..."

"That's all." Rand said darkly. 

"I suppose I will have to think of something."

"I would order you to get well." Rand said. "But if you're anything like me, you can't."

Moiraine nodded. 

"Lighter than a feather." He shrugged. "You know."

Moiraine reached out of Thom's embrace and touched her hand to Rand's shoulder. "Heavier than a mountain."


End file.
